Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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