I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
