he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
