I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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