Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
