i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
