don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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