If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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