I cannot find my penis.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
