last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
