my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We left an ass print on the piano.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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