So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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