there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
