I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
