if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
