Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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