he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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