I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
