I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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