drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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