don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
