Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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