Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
