porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I have demons in me.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
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You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
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you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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