Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
