Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
