So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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