I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
