RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
