He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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