we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
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He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
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Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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