Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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