Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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