well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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