he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
