why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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