Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
