Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
