The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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