you thought your balls were fighting each other...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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