Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Is Oprah even human
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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