When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
