Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
