you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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