Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
