The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
