Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
