It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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