Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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