it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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