Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
