Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
