I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
