I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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