WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just made my gag reflex go away.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
