Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
