Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
