have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
