Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
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We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
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I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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