i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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