So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
