the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
