my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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