I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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