Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
