all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
